Thursday, March 19

Non Scale Victory (NSV)

Ugh, today started out with all the promise of being a good day. We had an outside agency come in to "inspect" our organization with the hope that we would meet their standards and be given their stamp of approval (an accreditation we've held for many years but requires re-accreditation every 3yrs).

I hadn't been worried about this visit until we got a couple of minutes into my 90min one on one. Seems although we've been doing certain things well we have not done all that they think we need to nor have we been good at documenting what we have done. *big sigh*

That is the very simple version of what happened that completely spiraled my really good can do attitude into an , I'm not worthy....wanna eat something....kind of funk. It was bad enough that both yesterday morning and this morning I wanted donuts so badly I could almost taste them. Now there I was upset and depressed with only one thing on my mind: What can I eat?!

Last year I would not have hesitated to consider the source of my "hunger" but instead would have been taking orders from others for donuts or the coveted peanut butter cookies that are the size of my childs head and have whole Reese's cups chunked into them. At the very least I would be scrounging for change and hitting up the vending machine downstairs for some peanut M&Ms, a Twix or the always perfect Reese's cups.

Today, instead of allowing myself to turn to food, I tried to think of the positive aspects of what had transpired and refrained from even leaving my office until I knew I would not seek food. I knew that it would only feel good for the time that it was in my mouth and yet I wanted it soooo badly! Some habits are just so hard to break. I used to teasingly say that I was an emotional eater...I didn't have an emotion that couldn't be fed and although I can conquer some emotions in other ways, ie: boredom with activity (physical activity- not eating) I just can't seem to get past the urge to eat when I'm stressed or upset. This emotion has the strongest defense against my willpower.

I ended up calling my husband and we met for lunch. My mood immediately began to lift when I got in the car and cranked up the radio. There are just some songs that are best enjoyed at full blast as you drive and sing along at the top of your lungs. I am thankful that one of those songs was playing when I got in the car. At lunch I ordered combo fried rice and ate some then intentionally sat back and talked with my husband while the food had time to get to my stomach so I wouldn't overeat just because they brought me enough fried rice to feed 3 people. I did serve myself a little bit more and ate it before we packed the To Go containers but I still only ate about 1/3 of what they brought me and normally I'd have eaten about 1/2 to 3/4 without blinking.

I'm now back at work happy to have kept myself from taking the path that led to CandyLand and awaiting the "Closing Conference" where they will give us all a summary of the strenths and weakness' they noted in any and all areas over their two day visit.

Here's hoping I have the same steadfast determination to stay on plan when they are done depending on what they say about my department.

**UPDATE** The closing conference wasn't awful. We have things we can improve on but we really already knew that and to have someone else highlight the things you do well is always a nice change. Also, don't know how I left this out earlier but at lunch my husband asked if anyone at work had noticed I was losing weight? I told him two people had commented or asked about it and then inquired why he was asking. He said, "Because I can see the difference!" I'll take that as a compliment. I was even told by my employee that I was inspiring her. Now that is a compliment! :)


Lucrecia said...

Why didn't you refer me to this earlier? Of all the things that are hard for me to pass up, ice cream and cheesecake (REAL cheescake! not fake jello crap) have to be the top on the list. You reminding me that we want to be looking cute in our new skirts on the cruise has kept me in my chair and away from the ice cream social on the floor below. But its an honest to goodness hard effort! I'm so impressed with Pat for not only noticing but saying something! J never commented on my loss in '06. Now that he is trying too, I guess he is more observant. 11 months, to hotter us!

Annalisa201 said...

Congratulations Melisa. Getting noticed is surely the fastest motivation in my book. As for making such an effort, and knowing that you couldn't leave your office before you knew how to handle your cravings - THAT is a REAL accomplishment Melisa! It's something that made me seriously think about my break-down cravings, and you should surely be proud of yourself. Great job!!!

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