~ 2010 ~ A Time for Change

Week 2

2010-02-04T23:13:00.004-06:00

I lost 2.6lbs this past week and again updated the other blog and not this one. Ooops. I also did really good eating and controlling my emotional urge to snack but I never did get off my butt and exercise. Ooops? I know I need to get moving and eventually I will.

On Wednesday I had an appointment with a general practioning doctor. I've seen no one but my Ob/Gyn for years and years and felt it was time for me to go in and get a routine examination so as not to continue to walk around oblivious to possible problems. I have been blessed with good health - no major illness', no injuries, no surgeries, not even many sick days - low resting heart rate, low end of normal blood pressures - heck, I even still have 20/20 vision. I do not feel that I take these for granted. I thank God that myself and my entire family are healthy but I know that my weight could be the primary factor in future health problems if I don't get a handle on them now and put the obesity behind me. Overall the visit was good. My dr sees no reason for concern but I will go in tomorrow morning for a fasting blood draw to verify other things - cholesterol etc.

I know I have a long road ahead of me but am, at this point, determined to see it through to maintenance. I want my good health to include a healthy weight.

I am at but the beginning of a long road but look forward to journey. :)

Week 1 ~ aka: The Final Wk 1

2010-01-30T10:19:00.008-06:00

I'm still here!! I haven't given up ...again... already. I am also doing a group weightloss blog with some good friends and managed only to update that blog on Wednesday which is my normal weigh in day.

I have decided to put it all out there this time. A friend of mine outside of the other blog also just happened to decide to try again on the same Satruday a week ago and she did something a little different, she told anyone and everyone that she was trying to lose weight. She says it helps keep her on track and accountable. While I hadnt kept it a secret last year that I was trying to lose weight I also hadn't purposely put it out there so publicly. I wonder if it would truely help? The downside that immediately comes to mind is the "can you eat that?" I think I can handle that and am considering going public. Not only with the weightloss journey but another journey that I decided to tackle sometime last year.

I want to run a half marathon.

Wow, never thought I'd say those words. I do not consider mysef a runner, have never wanted to be a runner, swore I would only run when chased and my life depended on it. Something started changing in me last year and it was almost like a calling. Our city hosted a marathon that also had a half marathon element and I thought to myself that I could do that. I could run a half marathon. I can do anything I put my mind to. I kept getting little signs about running and the thought lingered in my mind for a few weeks and the clencher was the episode of The Biggest Loser when Rebecca closed with her running of a half. She was in tears knowing that if she could do this anyone could. She never imagined that she could have done something like that but now her life was changed.

I plan to begin the Couch to 5k training program and contineu beyond the 5k to run the half marathon here in my city in the fall.

Now I'm off to enjoy my Saturday, get a stopwatch, good sports bra and get going on the road to my half marathon!

Oh, I almost forgot. I lost 2.2lbs as of Wednesday. I have been 100% on program since last Saturday and intend to stay that way. Here's the scale shot of last Wednesday:

No Longer M. I. A.

2010-01-24T23:13:00.003-06:00

This blog began in January of last year when I vowed to start what was to be be my final weight loss journey. I was certain this time I would have the determination to see myself to goal..whatever that may end up being and stay there. I would get the weight off and keep it off permanently.

The year started off really well and by mid July I had lost 43lbs! I was very near half-way to goal. Then, I lost steam, willpower, determination etc. I soon started skipping weigh ins and all but abandoned this blog which I had also been adamant would not end up being one of those blogs/websites that starts off with loads of enthusiasm and progress only to lose steam and wind up being one of those found in searches that hasn’t been updated in eons. Poor little orphaned weight loss sites. I didn’t/don’t want mine to be like that! I also don’t want to be afraid of saying what I weigh or what I’ve lost. I had every intention of using the picture of my starting weight as the header picture for this blog last year and then post each scale picture as proof of my success, or lack thereof, each and every week. I was diligent about taking the pictures but never posted them and when success eluded me for more and more weeks in a row I stopped taking the weekly scale pictures. I need to begin that again.

This time will be different. I resolve to weigh every week no matter the results and post them here. I have to be accountable when the times are tough not just when I have success.

I have to take my before pics this week. I really appreciated being able to visualize the success before and have considered a slightly more drastic approach this time. More on that later.

Here’s to 2010.

S.O.S. …. I’m OOS!!

2009-09-06T15:24:00.002-05:00

Where I work OOS stands for Out of Service and while I’m not exactly Out of Service, I am definitely Out of Shape!

I truly started this journey more to be at a healthy weight and to set a healthier example for my children than to be “hot”. I was tired of being winded from something as simple as climbing one set of stairs. Today I was reminded that, while I am 30lbs lighter than when I started this journey I am not necessarily in any better cardio health. I mean, I don’t workout with any regularity and it shows. You see, I decided to go for a bike ride with my son and intended to be out for an hour. Ok perhaps, just perhaps, if the chains had allowed me to adjust them as they were intended I might have stayed out longer but the truth of it is my legs were burning within the first few minutes and I returned to the house short of breath and heart racing after just 25min.

Deep down yes, I’d love to be a hot mama but more importantly I’d like to be able to ride with my child until he is ready to return home and not when his mother is in need of a rest. I’d love to look good naked but truth be told I’d be happy to be at a normal BMI and not have a closet full of clothes with only a few that “fit right now”.

I must get back into the habit of moving and doing so with regularity. I may just have to go against my nature and make a plan. Map out my workouts and stick to them until they become second nature as they were for a brief period earlier in the year. I have got to turn this around and get to my healthy goal. I think that for this challenge, the GAG one, I would like to make it to Onederland...I haven't wanted to say that out loud because that was the same goal I'd had for end of Summer...and that failed in big bold neon fashion. This time I will do it. I will start the new year in Onederland and make a solemn vow to myself and all of Blogland that I will NEVER allow myself into the 200s again!!

I think I may have just answered my own distress signal...

GAG Wk1 Gameplan and Recipe

2009-09-02T21:01:00.005-05:00

I intended to log on this morning and share an NSV from my very first (ok, more like one hundredth 1st day) back on plan and then saw Shielas challenge and decided to combine my NSV with the challenge requirements.

What is my Non Scale Victory you ask? Well, after lunch yesterday I got a call that we were to go to Olive Garden for dinner to meet my brother in law. He was in town from out of state and would only be here a couple of days before returning hm and soon being deployed overseas. Typically this would have been a Woo Hoo Breadsticks moment - not this time. I immediately wished I could get out of dinner and have my already planned teriakyi pork chops, baked potato and green beans. What to do? You are faced with a challenge - a special event - what do you do? I used the tools sitting right of me and went to the website and sought out nutrional information (NI). I checked which entree would be my best option and even had an alternate incase they didnt have my first choice. I did the homework on what a breadstick would "put me back" and went into the meal with a plan! *gasp* Me? A Plan!? Who woulda ever thought it.

I ate minestrone while others ate the salad which deceptively has very high calorie/fat dressing and indulged in a single breadstick before my herb-grilled salmon arrived. Ahhh. The satisfaction of not allowing myself to derail was wonderful.

Now this isn't always the way we can make a plan...I mean, is there a NI website available for your close friends BBQ spread? NO..so what can you do to be better prepared to stay on your plan? Here are a few ideas: 1) eat before you go (I was going to say this before I read Lucrecia's blog I swear) if you are already full or close to full before you go you are less likely to over indulge. 2) know your weakness and bring a healthy alternative - if you love dips/appetizers bring a healthier version of a favorite and stick to it, if you are a dessert person bring something sweet that you know exactly what went into it so that you aren't guessing at what you are consuming. 3) Keep water in hand or gum in mouth. Sometimes the simpliest of things can keep us from mindless eating. I have successfully thwarted overdoing it at a party myself by keeping a fresh piece of gum in my mouth all night.

As for a healthy alternative recipe. Here is one I got from a fellow online Weight Watcher that I've seen since with various names as well as several recipe variations but every single time I've made it I've gotten rave reviews and it has dissappeared so here goes:

*forgive this, I now can't find a recipe w/ the ingredients I use and since I first made it I just throw it together to taste - no recipe
Texas Caviar

2 can black beans, 15oz size, drained
1 can kernel corn, also 15oz, drained
3-4 green onions/scallions, chopped
1/2 red onion, chopped
1/4c chopped cilantro
zest & juice from one lime
1/2 - 1c italian dressing (I use Kraft Free Zesty Italian)

Now, I also actually use frozen corn, since I dont buy can corn, and just fill the empty black bean can to almost full and rinse it in cold water to "knock the frost off it" :)

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and enjoy. I typically make this the night before or morning of a get together to let it sit in the fridge and give the flavors time to combine. I also serve it with baked scoops and have been known to use it at room temperature atop a grilled chicken breast.

I can't wait to see others recipes.

GAG Day 1 Body Shots

2009-09-01T21:24:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I decided to use my workout pants and a snug T-shirt because I saw such great differences when I did this at the beginning of the year yet, to me, I look just as big now as I did 30lbs ago! Ugh. I know its different clothes and to go back to snug fitting makes a difference but its frustrating none the less.

Brush it off...I will look just as different in these same clothes in 16wks from now as I did from Jan 1st compared to 16wks into the year.

Here they are:

There is always Tomorrow....

2009-09-01T12:23:00.007-05:00

Wow, has it really been almost an entire months since I last blogged? I kept meaning to do it....tomorrow. Why do we seem to put off everything, to justify our "cheats" by saying we can always start again tomorrow? I know that I am guilty of this. Heck, all of my diet days would be perfect diets days if only they stopped just after breakfast!

I really started thinking about this when I saw a recent episode of LA Ink (yes, the show about tattoos) I don't normally watch the show but found myself stopped on it when an overweight female comedian asked the star of the show to design a tatoo for her that was an oldtime pocketwatch set to 13 o'clock. It was her explanation of the meaning of this tatoo that struck me. She stated that so many times in her life she thought, "Oh, I'll do that when..." or "Someday/one day I will.." but those some days and one days never came. Kinda like 13 o'clock . . . it was the time that would never come. She felt it was time for her to start living her life, doing the things she has always wanted to do and stop waiting for 13 o'clock.

Maybe you had to see the episode to truly get it like I did ...but maybe not. Why do we wait for tomorrow to start stuff? To do things? I mean isn't there a country song that says "If tomorrow never comes?" Not only will we never lose the weight we will miss out on so many other things.

One flip side to my tomorrows is that today is always my LAST day of eating poorly so I seem to be in a perpetual binge of things I won't be able to have again for a long time when I start . . . you guessed it, Tomorrow!

Well, today is my tomorrow to find the strength and determination to get out of neutral and start driving (haha- that pun was not intentional) ... start driving that number on the scale down again.

Over the Summer I saw 212.6 on that all too truthful scale and sadly, today just 7 short weeks later, this is what I looked down at:

*feel free to tilt your head to the left to view my weight as I have tried a dozen times to get the picture to load correctly and it just won't . . . no, my pic isnt saved with this orientation. It views correctly on my drive and turning it then loading it only had it load w/ my turn...very bizzare.

I had truly hoped to be nearing ONEderland by the end of the Summer and instead I'm going to have to re-lose 13lbs before I start seeing new low numbers on that darned scale. But that's ok, because I have maintained a 30lbs loss. I have stopped putting off until tomorrow and I'm back on track! (I will post profile pics when I get home and take them in my workout clothes . . . sans the oversized shirt they typically hide under)

Thank you Shiela for starting the Give yourself A Gift challenge. I look forward to making new friendships and seeing just how hefty a gift we each can give ourselves in the next 16wks!

What have you been putting off until tomorrow that you will do today!?

Week 31 ~ Weigh In

2009-08-05T23:24:00.002-05:00

This morning the number on the scale shocked me back into submission...err, I mean reality. :)

I have wasted the last 3 wks going UP the scale instead of down. I am up 8lbs and am actually a little heavier than I was at the end of May which means I have basically wasted the Summer as far as weight loss progress goes. It is not as if I am surprised by the gain. I know exactly what I have been doing that caused it. I have been starting most every day with a new resolve and doing really well the majority of every day until I get home and am sitting alone in the dark watching TV late in the evening. It is then that my mind wanders .... into the pantry and wonders "What can I eat?". Unfortunately my mind is quite creative in the snack making category because its not like I stock chips or ice cream etc but I have still found things to gorge on and tonight is the first night I have bothered to resist. Honestly, tonight I have not even been tempted. I wish it hadn't taken a complete Summer backslide to get me back on track but I believe from here on it will be easier. I have new resolve and despite the fact that my problem staying on track has nothing to do with at work tempations I now have two more people in my office who are watching what they eat. My assistant recently started on WW and a co-worker is in Phase 1 of South Beach. I think the additional surrounding support will be helpful.

I will have to weigh in early next week as I am going to take my kids to visit my grandparents out of state. For anyone who's followed my blog for any length of time this means temptations like the homemade bread turned French Toast. Yum!

How many times will I have to struggle before I get to goal and can begin the struggle of maintenance?

2009-07-28T00:18:00.003-05:00

Self-Sabotage
Self-Indulgent
Self-Pity...NO

Gluttonous & Guilty

One Month = 6lb lost
One Week = 6lbs gained

Why?
What does it matter...

Make a Plan
Take Action
Get Moving
Get back to Losing
Put it behind me

Week 30 may as well be Week 1

I'm still here
I haven't given up
I am strong

Self-Reliant
Self-Sufficient

I will persevere!

Week 29 Weigh In ~ Going the wrong way

2009-07-24T11:55:00.002-05:00

UGH! 3lb gain this week. I did really well during the known challenges, birthday celebrations etc. Unscheduled night shift and then, probably in the wake of being tired and aggrevated on Monday I started down the slippery slope of bad choices. I ate too much or just plain "bad" things and sadly have not yet broken hold of this compulsion to eat and eat and eat.

It does seem a cycle with me every so many months to have a set back yet other than realizing I'm in one I have yet to figure out how to break free from it - or better yet, avoid it all together.

I guess I have many months and pounds to figure this out so that maybe, just maybe, when I get to maintenance I might not have to struggle to STOP overeating but be able to stop it before it begins.

I'm back to 40lbs lost and I am still proud of myself. I need to get my latest update pictures taken and posted. Definitely will be in a different shirt because I lost the one I had been using on a tube shut when floating a local river yesterday. Yes, I sat in a tube and floated a river for 4-5hrs yesterday and THAT wouldn't have happened 40lbs ago!

Anyone out there have any suggestions on how to stop a binge either before it starts or while in the throws of it?

Week 28 Weigh In

2009-07-15T16:34:00.002-05:00

Short post, having friends over for dinner and doubt I'll get on the computer at all tonight so before I leave work I thought I'd let the blog world know, because I know you are anxious to know, that this week I lost another 1.6lbs this week!! Yea. I've been really, really good with food and had one good long walk.

That brings me to a total of 43lbs gone....forever this time!

Now I'm off to slice red potatoes and grill a bunch of chicken. I even made a WW dip and bought one bag of baked scoops. The guys will eat the regular chips as they drink beer. I will enjoy in much moderation as I have been saving up for a splurge this coming Friday. Girlfriends + birthday = time to let loose - - at least a little! :)

Where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going

2009-07-13T04:32:00.003-05:00

I was recently trying to better organize my closet and drawers etc when I came across a couple of dresses that inspired this post.

The first dress is one that I bought for my brothers wedding in October of last year. I wore this same dress for our company Christmas party in December and distinctly recall feeling HUGE that night and hating the picture that was taken of all of the people from my department. I wondered what I weighed then and how different the dress would look now that I've lost weight. Well, rather than try to describe for you the difference let's take a look at photographic evidence shall we?

This is the picture taken at our Company Christmas party. I went back and looked at my weight tracker on WW and I weighed around 5lbs less when this was taken than I did at the beginning of the year when I started this particular journey and blog.

This is where I've been:

The next picture was taken today, 27 1/2 weeks into my weightloss journey and around 37lbs less than in the previous picture.

This is where I am:

(I realize the original picture isn't the best but I think you really can see the difference in size of my booty!)

I also saw a dress hanging there, so lonely in my closet, that I wore when we went on a cruise with a large group of friends back in 2006. At that time I was 20lbs from where I think I would be happy as a goal weight. Silly, silly girl. Why did you let yourself get so big again? So I thought that it might be just as worthwhile to see where I am currently in that same dress vs. where I hope to one day be. (again)

This is where I am: (apologies for the girls being so prominently displayed but, well, the dress covered more when there was less to cover! :)

This is where I want to be: (relatively anyway)

*at the time of posting I was unable to find the full length pic of me in this dress. I guess it was taken by someone else. I will have to find it and scan it later today.

Pictures really do say a lot don't they? I am due to take another update picture this week as well and I'm thinking it's time for me to find a new outfit that will continue to show the progress I make from here forward. The current shirt is so large now it just isn't a good choice anymore.

I am hoping these pictures will remind me of where I've been (and never want to go back), of where I am (and have worked hard to get here...again) and of where I'm going...only this time I'm setting up permant residence in Maintenanceville!!

Week 27 ~ Successful Switch

2009-07-08T12:46:00.004-05:00

I was very nervous about the shock my body might experience making the switch from low carb back to Weight Watchers. I do know it had an effect on the scale and, well, I guess that's more what I was nervous about. I started back on WW immediately after WI last Wed morning and tried to not just go carb crazy. I have been concentrating on eating more healthfully and trying not just to get in my "healthy 8" but also make certain things even more healthy. I've taken some tips from various bloggers and have added fresh spinach to a few of my smoothies this week. You really can't taste it and it gives you an extra boost of vitamins etc - first thing in the morning that must be a good thing right?

Today I did my first smoothie with kefir rather than yogurt and even opted to try light vanilla soymilk in place of my 1% milk. I may have, for today, done too many changes at once. I didn't care as much for my smoothie this morning as any other but I'm willing to keep trying.

I only walked the two times at the inviation of my friend but ....

....mid post I had an employee call in sick for work and so I had to drop everything and go in and cover. Now, about 12hrs later, I don't know where I was going with that. I do intend to get to working out again I just haven't applied myself to making it happen rather than just think about making it happen.

This week I actually did register a loss despite the shock and am happy to say I'm down another 0.2lbs! I'm glad the switch back to WW was successful.

This next week will be dedicated to getting back into the routine of exercising and trying a few new recipes or changes.

Ch..Ch...Ch...Changes

2009-07-05T22:07:00.004-05:00

I switched back to following Weight Watchers first thing Wednesday morning after doing low carb for three weeks.

I have been journaling all of my food and haven't gone over my points. If anything I've had a low point day but it wasn't intentional. I've also struggled with the points juggling on the days I work overnight and end up being up for 24hrs or so.

The best part of my week thus far is that thanks to a good friend I've finally started moving again! I've joined her for nice long walks twice in the last three days. Luckily for me she has a cool iphone with an app for telling us just how far we've walked, how long it took us, average MPH etc. :) After not doing anything for almost a month I've walked almost 9miles in the past few days. My calves are sore and surprisingly my back is tight. Maybe its the inclines? I've kinda missed the soreness of repairing muscles. Is this what was meant by hurts so good? :0)

The scale is up 1 1/2lbs from Wednesdays weigh in and I'm trying hard to convince myself that it is but a temporary thing that what the scale says matters less than the fact that I'm eating right and exercising.

My biggest concern of late is that as I've said, I'm feeling thinner and better and typically when this starts happening is when I allow myself to slide so I'm making a concentrated effort to stay on track.

Week 26 Weigh In

2009-07-01T12:04:00.003-05:00

I just can't believe that half the year is gone! Where ever did it go? I am proud to say that I have spent the past 6months losing weight rather than gaining or even maintaining. I have exercised more than I typically would have despite the fact that it is less than I could have or should have. That would be the thing I will work on the most over the last half of the year. Dedicate myself to eating healthier and moving more. I would LOVE to lose as much the second half of the year as I did Jan - Jun!

Speaking of weight loss...I managed to make both of the challenges I have been a part of. Ang at Get fit After 40 challenged us to lose a healthy 5lb/mo over the Summer and Jack Sh*T did his first ever challenge for those who may lose a little more slowly, Lord knows I've had my low loss, no loss weeks. Despite gaining 5lbs over the first part of June (vacation) I was able to get rid of that wt and an additional 5.4lbs this month! This week the scale was down 2.8lbs. Wow. That is truly wonderful.

I also am back on Weight Watchers as of this morning. I really missed certain carbs and just don't think I could have continued on that for much longer. It may be a good switch once in a great while to get the scale moving again. I have always said you need to mix it up and keep your body guessing! ;)

I also will be slowly introducing the carbs back into my diet as opposed to going full stop today. You see, I normally have oatmeal or cereal for breakfast and snacks such as 100cal popcorn, Fiber One bar etc. The lunches and dinners were not really that diffferent. Lean protein and veggies (I'll just stick to the lower carb veggies for awhile) and the low fat/fat free versions of things like cheese and sourcream.

I'm afraid that switching back to WW and re-introducing myself to My Fitness Coach will put enough of a shock on my system that I probably won't see much/if any loss this week. Remind me of that when I'm bummed next Wed ok?

I appreciate all of your kind words on my last post. I still am not sure where I will go with that. Isn't the first step recognizing/admitting you have a problem?

I am still here. I am feeling thinner, feeling better and hope to start feeling stronger. I find motivation in many places these days: in the way I feel, that I am not alone in this journey, that I am setting an example for my kids and that I am making the kind of changes that will benefit me healthwise and my family for many many years to come.

Of course, its easier to be motivated when the scale is moving down like you want so where do you find motivation both in success' and more importantly when you are not seeing the scale move as you would like?

I am an Addict

2009-06-28T04:17:00.004-05:00

I recently watched an episode of Saving Grace in which the main character, Det. Grace Hanadarko, goes undercover in Alcoholics Annonymous meetings in order to solve a possible homicide. During the show the signs of being an Alcoholic are discussed and although drinking alone and eating alone may both be signs of different addictions what struck a chord with me were the words of one of the Alcoholics as she describes to Grace how she has managed to stay sober for as long as she had. (if I recall correctly it was 6mo & some days) The way she said she mananged to do it was to simply fight the urge: minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, etc. It was a constant struggle.

The next day I found myself talking myself out of a binge. It was a constant flow of no, you don't really want it. No, you really shouldn't do it....eat it. You will undo all that you've worked so hard to accomplish. A couple of hours past and still the random thought of, "I could have...." or "I could make..." and those words of an addict from the show came to mind and I realized.. I am addicted to food!! I had to make a conscious effort not to allow myself to give in to what my mind told me I wanted. I wasn't hungry. I most certainly didn't need any of what I was craving. It was mental.

I'm not sure yet exactly what to make of this realization. I knew I could get out of control, I knew I was capable of binging and definitely knew I was a secret eater but to truly put it in the perspective of being addicted. I will need time to wrap my head around it. The only thing I know for sure is this is why this has always been, and always will be, a struggle for me. I have heard it said that addicts do better when they choose different friends, different environments. Ones that reduce the risk of them having a setback but how do you not be at risk for eating!? I must learn to control myself around food - that part truly isn't the hard part. The hard part for me will be controlling myself when no one is around. No eyes watching to judge what I'm consuming. No one to answer to by myself.

Hmmmm. Just something to ponder for now I guess.

Week 25 Weigh In

2009-06-24T12:43:00.004-05:00

Wow, a whole week at home went by and I never made it back to post. I really have not even made it to read many other blogs. Things are crazy at work right now, have had three people resign in last month and fortunately we have three new people in various stages of training but we already were short so we're still treading water. I am working weekend nights which is vastly different than my normal M-F gig and I've tried hard not to let it effect my diet.

I've stuck to low carb induction despite the baby showere with WONDERFUL cake, cookies etc. Father's Day and my daughters bday. On her birthday she wanted to go to the movies - mmmm movie theater popcorn with lots of what they call "buter" and jalepenos. Let's just say I was VERY tempted to eat it with them and only allowed myself a single handful! After the movie she chose to invite grandparents and Aunt & Uncle over for a brownie sundae bar. Now THAT was tempting. Brownies with little peanut butter cups, various ice cream flavors, chocolate & caramel sauces, whipped cream and sprinkles. I did have some whip cream, but that's it! I guess my resolve has stood firm mainly because I know its the only thing I'm doing. I have not been able to get back on track with exercise and so any slip could be a fatal tumble.

This past weekend I also went back to look at figure out how I've done for the Fitago challenge and was a little upset that from the time I entered the challenge in mid April to last weeks WI I'd only lost 4.8lbs! This didn't stay with me long as I shortly there after entered my recent WI into my weightwatchers.com profile and it showed me that for the 24wks I've been on program I'd lost an average of 1.4lbs/wk WOW! Really? Even with a month off (combined business trips and vacation) with the vacation gain etc? Now how can someone be upset with an average like that?! I mean, if I maintained an average loss like that I just might be 38lbs lighter by New Years! :)

I think I'm going to continue low carb, just not as drastic as low as induction for a few more days and perhaps a week. I still had some low carb items that would be WW no-nos in my fridge and pantry that I just can't let go to waste and think I can stick it out a bit longer without my oatmeal, cereal or fresh fruit til then.

This week was a good one. The scale was down another 2.8lbs, 2.2lbs of which is NEW Loss! That means I've lost a total of 38.4lbs thus far and am really, really hoping to make the 40lb mark next week.

I intend to start moving - but don't we all know about good intensions. :) I'm afraid the My Fitness Coach will ask me who I am when I start her up again. lol

Overall I'm feeling thinner. I'm pleasantly surprised when things slip on without effort or I'm just not disgusted with what is facing me in the mirror. Its that inner self that for me right now is happy. She hasn't registered a "fat day" in awhile and that is good. I think it is this feeling that has been my biggest motivator in recent weeks.

What keeps you motivated?

*this post will be edited this evening to include most recent scale pic - forgot the camera on the bathroom counter after taking the pic this morning.

Week 24 Weigh In

2009-06-17T11:19:00.003-05:00

If I was being truly honest I would say that I was a bit bummed when I got on the scale this morning. Not because I didn't lose but because after a full week on low carb induction I had "only" lost 4.4lbs. Now, before you take offense to me saying only to such a great number, I was bummed because I weigh almost daily on had lost 4.4 as of Saturday....so that means from Sat to Wed no more loss! :( I am happy with 4.4 that means I have gotten rid of almost all the vacation gain I just don't know what has caused the stall. Perhaps my body is in rebellion for not being given oatmeal, cereal, fresh fruit or fiber ones bars it has become so accustom to. Perhaps the lack of fiber is catching up with me. (sorry if TMI) Either way I will stick out one more week doing low carb induction before going back to my Weight Watchers plan.

I think the next couple weeks may prove challenging as I am going to have to work mostly weekend nights for a bit. Pretty drastic change from my normal 9-5 Mon-Fri but with the kids out for summer it means more time with them and maybe, just maybe, more chance for moving. Walking, swimming etc.

I am looking forward to the change. It may finally afford me the chance to get caught up on all the blog reading I missed while on vacation too.

Here's to kicking butt - or rather, getting RID of butt the rest of June. I have 5.6lbs to lose to meet my June goal and I don't intend to fail.

This WW Journey has been temporarily interrupted

2009-06-13T22:19:00.004-05:00

No, I have not stopped trying to lose nor have I strayed from my weightloss journey. Please, let me explain. I am a Weight Watcher. I really like the program because it allows me to eat whatever I want so long as I account for it and for those really "bad" things I find it a fun challenge to find a way to make them healthier & better for me. (lower points)

That said, after recent, absolutely incredible fabulous and awesome two full week family vacation that miraculously resulted in "only" a 5lb weight gain I realized that even if I lost the full 5lbs my first week back I would have "wasted" three weeks maintaining! Now I'm not knocking maintenance. It has always elluded me or I wouldnt be here. I've been losts thinner in years past. The hardest part has always been keeping it off. I'm not sure what caused me to make this decision but during the day on Wednesday I started thinking about low carb and how quickly the weight can come off while doing it. (You see, I first learned about low carb many years ago from a Dr and may have turned on a couple of my friends to it) I made the decision to do the low carb induction for two weeks. I really really wanted to get the vacation gain off as quickly as possible and start moving the scale a bit more quickly than it did for the 8wks I was doing the Sizzlin Hot for Summer Challenge.

I know that this change will only be temporary because for me low carb doesn't work long term. I don't have any problems with others for whom it works but for me it simply causes me to carb crave and I tend to be more likely to carb binge. Doing low carb for me does not take away my cravings like it does for my friend Lucrecia. I end up just wanting what I "can't" have while with Weight Watchers I can have whatever I want so long as I account for it. I do eat whole wheats instead of white pastas and breads and overall I just find it easier to teach my children how to eat healthy if I am leading by example rather than having a different meal than they are.

This is my choice, my journey.

That said, the scale has already begun to move swiftly. I don't know how long it will continue to move as swiftly as the first few days but I also am not certain I can continue low carb for more than a couple weeks. Especially because I am doing the much lower carb induction phase. Tomorrow will truly be a test. My mother and I are hosting the post baby shower for my sister in law and spent the majority of the day making chicken salads, pasta salad, cutting up fruit etc. I know I can have one of the chicken salads but the true hurdle will be the cake and cookies my mom ordered from a local bakery. You see, these particular iced sugar cookies are ones that in the past I have gone out of my way to buy and eat in the car so no one would know. I even used to buy the bags of broken pieces they would sell and eat the whole thing myself. They are so good. I will be strong. I am worth it and, well, to take a line from WW "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." - its just been so long since I was thin I think cheesecake tastes pretty darn close! lol

Wk 23 Weigh In ~ Facing the scale after Vacation

2009-06-10T19:05:00.004-05:00

My entire family and I had an absolutely incredible two week vacation!! I was a little nervous about getting on the scale this morning but knew it was the first step to getting back on track to losing the remainder of the weight I feel I need to lose. As I stepped on the scale this is what I saw:

I must say, I expected it to be more. Overall a 5lb gain is not very much for two weeks of vacation. I have gained that easily over any given weekend and actually joke about that all the time. Some people go nuts over a 5lb gain and I have always said I could do that in a weekend. I only hope that I can get rid of it as easily.

I am not quite done with all the laundry that follows such a long vacation and the kids are saying they are hungry - darn it no more sending them to the "Towncenter" with a Disney key/pass and letting them pick up their own dinner. I'm guessing I'm going to have to cook! *gasp* So for now only the weigh in update.

Oh, ooooK. I can't resist a couple pics. I got to meet "Kitty!" (I just love the movie Monsters Inc) and the second picture is of my family on the beach in St. Augustine just after my niece's wedding ceremony.

Vacation Update

2009-06-08T18:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how well a post from my blackberry will work but we have been just too busy having a FANTASTIC time to be online. My family & I left hm 12days ago and have been non-stop since. A weekend in St Augustine, FL for niece's wedding then 7days at a Disney resort. All four Disney parks as well as Universal Studios & Universal Islands of Adventure. The saving grace to having gotten the "quick service meal plan" at the resort would be all the walking we did at every park. It probably averaged about 20,000 steps a day. One was 24k & one was "only" 14k. I honestly have NO IDEA what the scale will show when I return hm & don't care. I have had a BLAST and will get right back on track when I get home.

I must say that I am SOOOO glad I lost what I did before the trip. I can not imagine my hips fitting in some of the seats for the extreme roller coasters if they were any larger than they are now and I can't imagine having missed those! I also saw a big bonus in most of my capris being so loose or comfortable rather than tight.

We are only just driving hm and won't be back until probably tomorrowq night so my "normal" Wednesday WI will take place on Thursday this week.

Hope you all have been doing well on your journeys. Can't wait to get back to it!

Week 21 Weigh In ~ Final WI SH4SC

2009-05-27T09:37:00.004-05:00

Excuse me....((clears throat))

EXCUSE ME!!??

Please clear a path and make room for my HaPpY dAnCe!!!! ( (dances and spins around the room like a complete idiot) ) Here is what the scale showed me this morning....a new decade!

Ok, so overall the past couple months haven't proven to be very significant in the way of pounds lost in comparison with the previous months but this morning not only did I see that the weight I had gained was gone but I managed to lose an additional 2.8lbs!! Can I get a Wooo Hooo!!?? This loss brings me to a grand total of 36.2lbs gone. Not to shabby for just 21wks. If I continued to average that 1.7lbs/wk I'd be to my goal by the end of the year or at least within my goal range. You see, I'm not entirely sure that I want to weigh something specific so much as I know how I want to feel and in recent years I've been 40lbs lighter than I am now felt like I still had some work to do which is how I set my current goal.

Anyhow enough of that! Today was my final weigh in before I leave on vacation for two weeks. That's right, TWO WEEKS!! Family wedding in Florida followed by 7days on a Walt Disney resort visiting the various parks. I can't wait! Today is also the final weigh in for the Sizzling Hot for Summer Challenge and I managed to lose 8lbs during the course of the 8wk challenge. I'd hoped for more like 18 but I'll take the 8!

I did take some comparision pictures for the challenge but don't see a significant change. Will get those posted later. I really should get back to work. :)

May each of you reading this have a great next couple of weeks. I think that I just might pack my scale when I pack tonight. It sure kept me on track when I took it with me out of town a few weeks ago compared to the trip I didn't pack it.

Week 20 ~ Weigh In

2009-05-20T22:03:00.007-05:00

I started out this journey feeling like I needed as much accountability as possible. The more avenues of accountability I had the more likely I would be to see this through to the end and not give up or or be able to quit.

This blog was one of those means of accountability despite the fact that I only ever specifically shared it with a couple of friends. Another was that I asked a male co-worker if he would mind me reporting to him every Wednesday. He didn't have to do anything other than receive my weekly updates. This particular man is fit, athletic and blessed with a high metabolism. I felt that perhaps simply the thought of having to report a "bad" week to him just might help to keep me on track. Why do I mention this now? I mention it because for nineteen weeks he has never asked me for my weekly update. I've always given it to him whether that be early, just after weighing, mid morning when I finally get to post and/or check other blogs and on occasion it has waited until sometime in the evening. He graciously comments, congratulates or encourages (have had a couple small gains) but this morning before I had even weighed....feeling a little lazy and knowing I was going to show a gain...I get a text that says, "How many?" He was initiating the update!! Ugh!! I took it as a sign. I'd asked him to take my updates as a means to keep me accountable and now, in the throws of my inability to get back on track he was doing just that - keeping me accountable. When I stepped on the scale a short time later it was no surprise that I was maintaining my little more than 3lb gain. The good news is that I'm back on track. That was just push that I needed to stop my over indulgence. I have spent one whole day back on track, eating right, no excessive or fatty/sugary snacking and plenty of water.

Yea for back on track and most of all YEAAAAA for vacation in only one week!

Week 20 also meant another set of progress pictures. I think I'm at the point where I need to get a smaller shirt for the progress photos. The shirt has gotten so large that it won't continue to show progress very well. The jeans will continue to fit for awhile. Gotta love the stretch they put in jeans these days. For the before pics it took quite a bit of squirming and tugging to get those jeans on and buttoned and now every week I have to wash and dry them (girls you know about driers and jeans).

As the first portion of my journey - Trek to Vacation - comes to a close I feel like its time to set some more goals. At this point there's only one that comes to mind:

Goal for End of Summer: ONEderland!!

I must fight to stay in the game, I must fight to get to the goal, and most importantly I must fight to change my ways and no longer allow myself to get derailed when I start feeling good about myself or start getting comments/compliments on my weightloss thus far. I dont know why I tend to drail at the first sign of success but I will strive to change that bad habit just as I must change how I eat and how much I move.

I'm still in this...who is with me?

Week 19 Weigh In ~ A Little Late

2009-05-17T22:22:00.003-05:00

So much to report on in the last week. Let me start with, I am done with business trips for quite awhile and now have only 10days until I leave for a much anticipated two week vacation!

This past trip to Denver was only suppose to be 5days and I had made arrangements to fly up early on Monday so that a friend and I could hike a local State Park. We got a 5mile hick in that was absolutely gorgeous. I love the beauty of the mountains. We then spent the next evening watching the season finale of Biggest Loser together (we had watched the entire season "together" despite the vast miles between us and time zone difference, texting each other through every episode - watching it together in person while drinking 1pt margaritas was much more fun!)

I didnt pack my scale this trip and perhaps I should have considering the derailing I experienced that began on the Wed of Wk 18 weigh in. I had somehow come up with this analogy because falling off the wagon just didn't seem to do it justice. I think what I did was climb up the ladder of the high dive and go head first into the deep end of self indulgence. It was not pretty, it was physically painful at times, and was incredibly tasty at other times. I returned from my trip and was determined to own up to my destructive behavior to be completely and absolutely floored to see that 10days after my last trip to the scale, and many, many poor decisions, I was only about 3lbs up - considering all that I had ingested, TOM, and the elevation change during my trip (which causes water retention/dehydration) I was delighted. Not delighted enough to put myself completely back on track but I'm also not still treading water in the deep end. I think I might be at the stairs and climbing out of the pool....I hope to be out of the water when I wake in the morning and right back on the wagon. So officially, I have nothing to report for WI that was due Wed May 13th....I don't know what I weighed.

The absolute best part of my crazy week since my last post was that on Wed of this week I found out that my sister-in-law was going to be induced on Friday morning so I canceled my last night in the hotel in Denver and changed my flight to be back home on Thursday night so we could be at the hospital with her on Friday morning. My nephew was born at 209pm on Friday. Of course he is adorable and we are blessed that he is absolutely healthy.

I will have to spend some time of the next couple of evenings catching up with everyone from the SH4SC...I just haven't had/made the time to be online lately. Here's to two more great weigh ins until this challenge is over and I'm off and on vacation! :)

Wk 18 Weigh In – SHFSC Wk 5

2009-05-06T15:19:00.003-05:00

Allow me to concentrate on NSVs for this week – what does that tell you about how I’m feeling scale wise? :)

All in all I am proud to say that over the last two weeks, of which I was gone from home for 10days, I was able to lose 1.2lbs. That’s a victory in and of itself despite the fact that I had hoped desperately to be able to hit the 35lbs lost mark. Alas, I gained 0.2lbs from last Wednesday and will leave again on Monday to go to Denver for the week. The conference I attended wasn’t the culprit of the gain since I was working out more than ever and managed to eek out a loss that first Wednesday but instead it was my grandmothers homemade bread I am certain. I had toast every day and one day indulged in two pieces of that wonderful bread made into French toast! YUM!! Might I add, totally worth it!! My exercise from the conference came to grinding halt the morning I left and instead I did something else more than I have in a long time – I went to church! Now mind you I had planned on going to church on Sunday morning but didn’t realize their church would be in the midst of what I refer to as a rival when I arrived and so not only did I go on Sunday morning but on Friday and Saturday nights as well. It was good to get to hear my cousin sing her solo piece with the choir and be singled out as the 10th visitor from a different state during their week long “camp meeting” by the preacher (who also happens to be a cousin).

This morning, when the scale didn’t miraculously show a loss I decided it was time to go shopping in my closet and I was very happy to find two pairs of jeans that I was able to get into for the first time in quite awhile! Sadly, the pair that fit better have a hole beginning to form in the hind end so I won't be able to wear them but I think they would have looked pretty darn good. (the other pair won’t be seeing the outside of my house for a few more pounds). If it wasn’t getting so dang hot around here I’d probably go buy another pair just like these:

*pls excuse the dirty mirror & slightly blurry pic - have you ever tried to take a pic of your own tushy? :) oh, and see the snag/hole?...darn it.

Lastly, I had recently ordered a couple of new work shirts in size Large instead of XLs and when I opened the box yesterday was disheartened to see a shirt that I figured was also several wks (months) out from being able to be worn. Surprise, surprise, I tried it on and it fit – no stretching required (you ladies know what I’m talking about). What do you think? I'm pretty psyched.

So, no loss showing on the scale this week, thankfully not a large gain either but a couple of NSVs and a positive outlook on the current week!

Oh, and here’s a pic of the French toast…. Just because it really was yummy! (pay no attention to the pork fat that found its way to the plate)

I believe, its all about choices

2009-05-02T22:38:00.003-05:00

This is something I’ve been contemplating writing about for a few months now. My dear friend Lucrecia stirred my thoughts on this in a post she wrote about use of the word diet. Now that I’m away from home with a little more time to write I’ve been trying to work this out in my head. Ironically, this week, Shiela posted a very interesting link to a series on youtube called Skinny Kids. This was just the push I needed to finally put pen to paper ~ you know what I mean.

I have written posts already about my struggle with food and how it started for me at a very early age. I also have seen that I seem to have passed this genetic aptitude for all things wonderful to my daughter. My beautiful, kind, sweet, and loving daughter, she can no more resist a Reese’s peanut butter cup than deny her body oxygen …and that she got that from her momma!!

I cannot help what she sees, hears and experiences in the outside world but I can effect what she hears, sees and is offered to eat at home. Isn’t that where it all starts and matters? At home?! I prefer not to use the word diet but I am not a fanatic about it. I prefer to teach my children that it is not about denying ourselves but about healthy choices. I hope that the choices they make will not be made solely for the purpose of losing weight, to “get skinny” and that they are not temporary. The choices we make must be made for the purpose of getting or being fit and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I want to teach them, by example, that if the majority of the choices we make both in what we eat and how we act (move/exercise) are good wholesome and healthy choices that this will affect our overall well being and allow us to live healthier more fulfilling lives that are not restricted by the things we are not able to do because we are overweight or not fit enough to do.

My daughter is 11 and I’m not sure why I was surprised that even several years ago in Elementary school the girls were already picking on each other and some girls were on diets! Some felt it was acceptable for them to pass judgment on whether or not another’s clothes were cool or not. Those judgments have only escalated with age. The “cool” kids now pass judgment on who is or is not acceptable to be in their rankings, they give their opinions on others clothing and, well, of course on others weight.

Every parent wants to protect their children. Protect them from physical harm of course, but also from emotional pains. I hurt for my daughter when she tells me of the things others say. I know that I cannot protect her 24hrs a day but I can try to instill things in her that just might help her to make better choices, I can encourage her to be more active by allowing her to be active with me. I can promote physical activity over things that allow us to sit on our bums. (Except for blogging of course) :)

All in all I know the dictionary definition of the word diet but today’s culture has attached such negative connotations to it that I prefer not to use it. I hate that what someone weighs is such a big part of the media. Magazine covers that so boldly display non flattering pictures of celebrities and pass judgment on who is and is not the ideal physique. Who are “they” to decide?! I want my children to judge people for who they are on the inside not simply for how they look on the outside. I want them to love themselves like I have not always loved myself. I know that I cannot keep the outside world’s images and influences from my children but I can show them how they should act, and live. Teach them of God’s love and nurture their hearts so that maybe, just maybe, the outside world will not have the grip on them that it has on others. I want to teach my children how to make good choices.

Week 17 Weigh In ~ SH4SC Wk 4

2009-04-29T14:26:00.005-05:00

Woo Hoo! I am so happy that I made the commitment before this trip to make the best of it. Had I not planned (I'm not a planner) to ensure I could make this a successful week I am certain I would have made much different choices along the way while convincing myself that I was "doing ok" and then probably been shocked to see a gain come Wk 5 WI...

Well, I'm happy to say that my 2/day workouts and very conscientious decisions of just what I allowed myself to eat paid off!! I didn't gain on this trip, I didn't even maintain, which would have been a victory in and of itself. This week, and thus far on my trip, I have lost 1.4lbs! For that, I am ecstatic!!

This brings me to a total of 33.4lbs lost tso far this year and 5.2lbs this month in the Sizzling Hot for Summer Challenge.

I wanna thank Shiela for challenging us to our Last Chance workouts. I have enjoyed the programmability of the stair stepper and treadmills in the gym here where I am staying and yesterday really stepped it up to meet the challenge and got myself up to 4.5mph on the "fast" intervals. This is big people! At that speed I can't just power walk I actually have to start the trot and that isn't a pretty sight so this is big! Especially for someone who detests running. So much so that I have been quoted as saying, "I will run...when I'm being chased...and my life depends on it!" (of course 33lbs ago, heck, even now that might not get me very far before I'm captured! ;)

I hope the rest of you are having a wonderful week as well.

Let's really make this next week count my Sizzlin' Sistas!! My goal is to lose enough to change my "I lost 30" to an "I lost 35lbs" banner. What are your goals for this next week?

Facing my challenge head on

2009-04-27T21:03:00.005-05:00

My last post was about the trip I am currently on and how fearful I was that it would not just keep me from continuing to lose but quite possibly completely derail all of the hard work I had completed thus far. I didn't count points and resist (some) temptations to lose 32lbs only to have a business trip set me back so I took steps to ensure I would have tools available to me to make the trip less scary.

Thus far, I've been pleasantly surprised to find that not only have I made time for exercise, five workouts so far in 2 1/2 days, but the food provided by the conference has had some good choices available! Granted I'd already stocked the fridge I had put in my room with yogurt, cottage cheese, 1% milk, etc and I also have with me some fiber one bars, granola, bananas, apples and strawberry yogurt cheerios but even those readily available healthy things could be undone by a breakfast buffet bar and who knows what at lunch - both meals which are already provided to me in my conference fees. I'm delighted to say that the breakfast buffet includes an omlette station that has egg whites! After my 24min heck of a stairstepper workout this morning, I was rewarded with an eggwhite, spinach, mushroom, & tomato omlette, wheat toast, fresh pineapple and blackberries. Lunch had choices like baked salmon, peas & other grilled vegetables. Knowing that I was eating healthy made it easier to skip the dessert table. (I may just have to take a picture of the dessert table so you all know just how much of a victory passing up that table is!)

Dinners are on our own but we also found an very interesting restaurant just up the interstate. Not only does it have healthy choices available but the menu provides more nutritional information than I have ever seen at any restaurant. I had the saladbar and two filets of the Scrod Floridian. I was stuffed and was again able to pass up the desserts! You should check out their websites menu info: Eat-N-Park

Now, unfortunately I'm not certain that all of this hard work will be "rewarded" with a big loss this week because the scale was actually up today from the previous day and I think that has to do with the incredible shock my muscles must be in from the sudden spike in increased exercise. I can honestly say that despite drinking LOTS of water the past couple days I still feel as if I haven't had enough for my healing muscles and I am distinctly aware of many muscles in my legs that otherwise don't make their presence known with every step.

I am honestly curious how difficult it might be to get out of bed in the morning after (gasp) a full 8hrs of sleep! So long as I am able to make it out of bed and get dressed of my own power I will be in the gym when it opens at zero-six-thirty. I may have to workout at lunch tomorrow too because we've got it on very good authority that the restaurant in the local casino has the best prime rib anywhere and has it on special only from 4-5p daily. Tomorrow is the only day we will be able to make it there that early. I may have a last chance meal rather than last chance workout!

*update: I was actually able to get out of bed this morning but moved so slowly to the gym that I had time for just an 18min stair stepper workout. My glutes are on FIRE today! I think this means its working . . . at least that's what I tell myself as I get up out of chairs and try to begin walking. :)

33 days . . .

2009-04-24T09:40:00.004-05:00

That’s all the time I have left to shed more pounds and/or get more fit before I head to Florida for a family wedding and vacation. The trip started out so far in the distance that I’d actually made the lofty goal to lose 55lbs between the beginning of this year and departure for my trip. Now it is obvious to me that I will not reach my original goal of 55lbs but I am not the least bit upset because: 1 – I knew that to maintain an average weight loss of 2.6lbs a week, every week, for 21 weeks was lofty but was set intentionally to make myself aim high. 2 – I actually have maintained, thus far, an average of 2lbs/wk for 16wks now and that ain’t shabby!

Now comes the fear. It’s not that I feel as if I can’t continue to try for the next 5wks, I mean, I’ve been at this for over three times as many weeks already but the fact that I have had only minor challenges to overcome during this journey thus far. I had my birthday, Valentine’s day, my hubby’s birthday, Easter etc. but out of the remaining 33days I will be gone, out of town, out of control (for the most part) of what I will be served to eat, for 15 of those days! I don’t want to settle for simply maintaining my current loss – although that in and of itself would be a victory. No, I want to continue to move the scale down and so I knew I had to have a plan!

I will spare you the entire thing and for now concentrate on the trip that begins tomorrow morning. I leave for 10days most of which most will be spent at a gorgeous golf/education resort in West Virginia. I have been there before but still did some homework and checked out the resorts website. While some rooms have refrigerators, none have microwaves. They have a very small gym and lots and lots of gorgeous areas to walk. I called ahead and found out that the area I will be staying in is not apt to have a refrigerator in my room but they will put one in my room if it is requested! Yea!! So, as soon as I arrive I will request one and make a trip to the local grocery store to stock up on healthy snacks, yogurt, cottage cheese, milk & probably some cereal. This puts the food situation a little more in my control. I’ll be packing my exercise clothes and walking shoes for good cardio walking the grounds (or on the treadmill in the event of inclement weather) and have finally broken open a couple of DVDs I bought back In January. I will be able to do the Hip Hop Party and Biggest Loser Bootcamp in the privacy of my own room. Lastly, and this may seem the most odd, I’m packing my scale and taking it with me! You see, this particular trip will conclude with 3days spent at my grandparent’s house. Oh, I can already taste the homemade bread, toast w/ apple butter and other such wonderful things. I must keep my indulgences in moderation and for me weighing daily keeps me in check so being able to weigh while away will keep me from simply thinking I’m doing well and possibly being shocked by the scale when I return home.

*big sigh* I think that, in preparation, I’ve done all that I can do to ensure this trip is not a stumble on my weight loss journey but instead allows for continued successful weight loss weeks. I’ve been so afraid of what effects this (and the next) trip will have on me but the more I think about it, I realize this may in fact be a more successful than normal week for me exercise wise in that I have no children to get ready for school, to pick up from school, to cook and clean for, take to practice etc. Outside of the actual classes I will be attending ALL of the other time will be MY time. What a concept!?

This may actually mean I have more time to post as well. We shall see. Wish me luck, say a prayer etc. I hope to prove that I’ve been nervous for nothing…..

Week 16 Weigh In ~ SH4SC Wk 3

2009-04-22T22:02:00.006-05:00

Chalk this week up to a success! I worked out (once) and kept an eye on my food despite basically being up for 36hrs in a row from Fri a.m. til Sat night - thank you night shift. I was really afraid I had slipped up pretty bad over that time period but when I went back and logged everyting and hadn't actually been "bad". Guess the lack of sleep had me dizzy.

Oh, and since the one time I did workout was on Tuesday I'm counting that as my lastchance workout that Shiela challenged us to - cuz, well, it was more intense than any other workouts that week! :)

I know, I know, I gotta get back in gear.

I lost 1.2lbs this week which for me makes a total of 32lbs even in 16weeks. Ok, so that makes for easy math right? Anyone else become a math genius when it comes to weight loss calculations? I find myself constantly figuring out my average weekly loss, if I loss "x" amount every wk from now til ___ I will be to goal by ____. I'm not normally an obsessive person but I am an impatient one. The most impressive calculation I have this week is that as of today I've lost 1/3 of the weight that I want to lose! That seems impressive...until I realize that means I have 2/3 of the way yet to go....

Ahh, who ever said losing weight was easy? Gaining..now that's easy . . . but not something I wanna allow myself to do anymore.

Oh, and I've finally gotten back to smoothies! I loved these last year. This morning I had one made with frozen peaches, banana (that I froze), orange juice, & fat free vanilla yogurt. It was delicious!! (oh yea, had to add 1/4c 1%milk to thin it some)

I work(out) best under Pressure

2009-04-18T22:33:00.002-05:00

I think I have finally figured out the key to my getting my workouts in. It makes no sense to me but I do believe it's true. I get them done when I'm most pressed for time. Kinda like I love a challenge. (who woulda guessed! :)

I do prefer to get them in first thing in the morning and even that is somewhat of a race. I always get up at 6am and if I'm going to get a 45min workout in then I get up brush my teeth, empty the bladder & get dressed. I wake up my son, and wake up my son, and wake up my son...when he's finally awake ~ about 6:15 I can begin my workout. By the time I've started my cooldown he's kissing me goodbye to catch his bus. When I'm done I jump in the shower and after I wake my daughter (about 715am). She leaves at 745 and I typically follow her out the door. Its kinda like a challenge/race to get it in and simply starting the day with a workout starts my day better. I feel better, I eat better etc.

If I don't get it done in the morning I have been known to leave work just early enough to get home and get food in the oven, dinner started etc so I can get my workout in while dinner cooks. I can be done in time to eat and let my kids change to get to the practice of the day. Why does this work for me as opposed to having oh say, all day open, lik eon the weekend, and not getting my workout in as soon as I get up adn while all the others are sleeping or in the afternoon while laundry is washing/drying or in the evening instead of holidng the couch down and surfing the internet or watching shows on my DVR?! I don't know why this is but after the past few weeks and truly opening my eyes to when I workout versus when I put it off I have come to realize I get it done when it seems like a challenge to get it in and done.

I don't know why I would want to add stress to my life or want to feel the tick of the clock but it is what it is. Now how can this realization help me? I guess I can schedule my workouts just like I do all the rest of my life. Meetings, husbands shifts, kids practices and games etc. Maybe that is what I need to challenge myself to do. Schedule this time for myself and get it done!

Anyone else have a similar struggle with workouts?

I also think I have a somewhat skewed opinion of when I've eaten off plan versus when I truly have gone overboard....but we'll save that for another time.

Wk 15 - SHFSC Wk 2 WI - TAKE 2

2009-04-15T21:56:00.005-05:00

Ok, I doubt I could re-create my original post exactly but I did try to include all the elements - here is my 2nd attempt:

This week, I sucked. I had a 2 week plan and did well with it the first week. This week, not so much. I didn’t track, I didn’t post other than my WI last week, I even had a hard time supporting my fellow bloggers. I am reading, I promise, I’m trying to keep up but with some of you posting everyday I have a hard time. My apologies. The worst of it is that I did not exercise. Did you hear that? I did not exercise…at all! I intended to post about how I think I finally figured out just why it is I don’t always get my workouts in but I will save that for later in the week.

Now, just because there are so many things I didn’t do lose weight was not one of the didn’t dos. Yesterday I hit an annual low. I got lower on the scale than I had managed to get to last year before I allowed it to creep back up. I was so excited yet scared that today somehow I would have a gain and not be able to do the "official" happy dance. As a side note, who would have guessed that Lucrecia and I would both hit annual lows on the very same day?! It’s almost scary how in synch we have been lately and so long as we’re in synch with weight loss I’m more than fine with that!

So, I am officially down 2.2lbs this week which puts me at a total loss of 30.8lbs so far! Last year I only got to 29.2lbs lost so my main focus for the next couple weeks will be to keep the numbers getting smaller.

Look, I have a new badge on the right of my blog thanks to Fitago – I’ve lost 30lbs!!
As for Shiela’s challenge for this week, I don’t really track measurements when modifying recipes but I will tell you that one of my favorites so far this year has been my version of a Turkey Meatloaf. I have substituted turkey for the ground beef in a lot of things this year but when it comes to meatloaf I just can’t bring myself to do solely turkey so the one I loved the most went something like this: 1 pkg Jennie-O extra lean turkey, ¾ lb extra lean ground beef (I used a 96/4), egg whites in stead of whole eggs, Panko bread crumbs rather than traditional, various seasonings and a bit of ketchup. I shaped it in a loaf and topped it with a little more ketchup. About an hour later I had one of the tastiests meatloafs I’ve had in a very long time. My daughter and mother even commented on how good it was. Maybe I should have tracked the specifics so that I could recreate it. Hmmm

I had challenged myself to try at least one new recipe each month this year and so since I failed at giving a specific recipe this time I will share with you all now what I plan on trying next: Slow Cooker Lasagna. I will try to give a review when I finally get it made.

Here’s to a great week for all of my Sizzling Sistas!

Wk 15 Weigh In ~ SHFSC Wk 2

2009-04-15T11:20:00.005-05:00

I'm mad.

I had started a post earlier today, painstakingly added my links, sat here in the Drs office finishing it when I went to highlight the entire post to change my font (you know, one of those incredibly important things...)

MY ENTIRE POST DISAPPEARED!!! What did I do!? Before I could exit out so it wouldnt auto save...guess what?! It auto saved!!! GONE!

I'm too mad at this point to start all over.

I lost 2.2lbs this week. That brings me to an annual low...lower than I got to last year. I was happy about that but now I'm just annoyed.

Wk 14 Weigh In ~ Sizzle Challenge Wk1

2009-04-08T21:34:00.008-05:00

Wow, looky there, I couldn't seem to find the strength to post my number before last Wednesday and now despite the fact that I showed only a 0.4lb loss this week I am posting my number. It's still more scary than liberating but it's there. I must admit I hope that the fact that I had a business dinner that caused me to eat much later than usually and only moderately more heavy than normally is what caused only a slight loss to show up this morning. (I had a fabulous ribeye dinner - a salad w/ minimal dressing, asparagus hold the lemon butter sauce and one half of a FANTASTIC yeast roll)

Now for accountability for how I held to my two week plan this first week:

Food:
1. Track every bite I eat - good or bad. - DID IT! :)

2. Limit the high point or "bad" days to one per week. - I did have two high point days but also oddly had two days where I didn't meet my full points. Once by 7 - very strange. I am normally very good about hitting my daily points and despite the two "over" days I stayed well within my weekly points.

3. Try a new recipe within the next 2 weeks. - guess I'm gonna have to do that this next week.

Activity:
1. Get a minimum of 45min of exercise 4-5 days each week. - DID IT! Did 4 days of 45min on My Fitness Coach as well as a re-evaluation (which is a workout of its own) that proved I am making progress!

2. Get a pedometer so I can gauge my day to day activity level and ultimately join a distance challenge. - I have been told one was ordered for me I just haven't seen the friend who has it. Hoping to have a pedometer come Saturday when we have our girls get together.

Blog:
1. Take the time to read blogs of other challenge participants and lift them up both in success and struggles. - I feel like I've done a pretty good job. I hope others agree.

2. Find/make the time to blog at least once a week outside of the weekly weigh in. - does my two week plan count? :) I had intended on posting something else but honestly I can't even remember the subject I had had in mind at this moment.

NSVs for the week - I was able to wear two "new" pairs of pants this week. One is the the smaller of the two that showed they were the same size from awhile back. The other I had purchased in late January along with another identical style but they were two sizes different. I wore the smaller ones just yesterday - maybe they had something to do with my willpower at dinner.

Overall stats:

This week: Lost 0.4lbs

14 wk total: 28.6lbs or 11.2%

Wk 1 Sizzle: 0.4lbs or 0.18%

Sizzlin' Sistas here is to a great Week 2!

I spent the day (over 12hrs) at our company's 18th Annual Golf tournament and so I am so incredibly tired. I will catch up on everyone else's progress tomorrow.

2 week plan for Sizzle Challenge

2009-04-01T22:31:00.004-05:00

Ok, so the way I read the "rules" I would have to create a plan for 2wks...and if old hat at the weight loss journey perhaps a menu plan. Well, I have definitely had my share of weight loss journey beginnings but I do not feel that I am old hat nor that I could make an entire 2wk menu that would actually be stuck to soooo...rather I will make some challenges for myself mainly for my diet and exercise.

Food:

1. Track every bite I eat - good or bad.
2. Limit the high point or "bad" days to one per week.
3. Try a new recipe within the next 2 weeks.

Activity:

1. Get a minimum of 45min of exercise 4-5 days each week.
2. Get a pedometer so I can gauge my day to day activity level and ultimately join a distance challenge.

Blog:

1. Take the time to read blogs of other challenge participants and lift them up both in success and struggles.
2. Find/make the time to blog at least once a week outside of the weekly weigh in.

I will revisit these original challenges to myself on each of the next two Wednesdays.

Lucky Week 13 ~ Weigh In

2009-03-31T20:24:00.007-05:00

Well today's weigh in is monumental. Not because of the amount of weight lost this week or the total pounds lost to date but because as of today I am beginning the Sizzlin' Hot by Summer Challenge and a couple of the requirements of the challenge are pictures. If you've been to my blog at all before now you know I am not opposed to pictures of my(fat)self but this challenge requires a picture be posted of the scale! YIKES...

I have told people that I am trying to lose weight and get healthier. I have even told quite a few people just how much I've lost but neither in real life nor here in cyberland I have been able to be completely open about exactly what I weighed or how much I weigh now. My number turned out to be much more sacred to me than I thought. I had hoped that this blog and this final journey would allow me to finally open up and share those scary/embarrassing numbers. I have actually taken a picture of the scale every week including Day 1 ~ I have just been too chicken to post them on the blog like I had intended. Thanks to Shiela, and this challenge, I've had to muster the courage to not just say how much I lost this week (which was a solid 2.6lbs) but actually post a picture of the numbers that stared up at me this morning:

There, it's done. It's out there. *giant sigh*

I also had to take recent pics of my self for this challenge and so here are pictures I had my daughter take of me last night. I decided to take different pictures in different clothes from my regular progress photos just to change things up a bit. Wore some things that were a wee bit tighter (although the pants are a size larger than most I wear, but that's another post)

Putting my number out there was a big hurdle. What have been you're most difficult hurdles to overcome on your journey? Is it easy for you to admit your number?

Size shouldn't matter. Right?

2009-03-29T22:10:00.008-05:00

I am the same person from one day to the next, al beit I am slowly shrinking in size but from one day to the immediate next I am the same person. Why is it that what the label on any particular article of clothing make a difference in how I feel? The scale is going down, I am getting in better shape so why is it that not being able to get into any particular size or getting into a particular size can have such a drastic effect on my psyche?

I have recently been able to get back into a pair of pants that I had outgrown. This prompted me to go shopping in my own closet only to find that two other pairs of pants I haven't worn in a very very long time had the same number on the label as those I just started wearing again...sadly they are not the same size! Despite the labels saying they are both the same the others are much smaller! See? So with this as absolute proof that every size is different even if it says its the same as another does what any particular label says bother me?

And now for the opposite spectrum....why if I am the same person struggling to get out of my fat clothes should the fact that by some twist of cosmic fate I can actually put a skirt on that has a big fat M on it can make me so giddy? It doesn't matter to me that this is not how the skirt is suppose to fit just that I can get it on and, yes, I purchased it and thought that maybe, just maybe I would look smashing in it by the time I go on my goal weight celebratory cruise next February. Here is the not so good mobile pic I took the day I first tried it on...

I know that size shouldn't matter but sometimes it makes a difference in how I feel. Anyone else feel the same?

Week 12 ~ Weigh In

2009-03-25T22:25:00.004-05:00

I find myself at a loss for words this evening. I have had a very long day that started abruptly at 06:55 - the exact time I woke up and the exact time my sons bus passes. Ugh. This wouldn't have been so bad had I not simultaneously realized that my keys were on the passenger seat of my husbands vehicle which, as he was to begin his Fire Dept shift, was now in a neighboring town an hour away! I don't even have the energy to tell the long tale but let's just say I've felt like I've been in high gear all day trying to get everything done and everyone everywhere. I am finally home, kids fed, showered, most of the dishes done and as I finally sat down to post my Wednesday results I lost my wireless here at home - just after updating the pics thankfully. So now here I sit at our desktop computer. (gasp! lol)

All in all it was a good week. I'm down 1.6lbs which makes for a total of 3.8lb this past 4wks. I have to admit I was a little frustrated by that since I was down a full 2lbs yesterday and that would have put me into a lower decade weight wise but alas today's number is what it is and next week I just hope its somewhere around 2lbs less than today. So long as the trend is downward I am happy. I also don't see a big difference between the week 8 pics and the ones I took this morning (as I waited for my mother to come and get me so I could use her car). I really didn't expect a visual difference for less than 4lbs but I exchanged the backside pics for the side view. Something new for you to look at for the next 4 weeks. :)

I realize now that the little revert to my old ways a couple of weeks ago was SOOO not worth the effect it had of slowing my overall progress this month. I hope I can keep that in mind the next time Ben & Jerry's is calling my name from the freezer section.

I have begun posting pics in various places as daily reminders of how far I have come as well as a couple from the Summer of 2006 when I came within 20lbs of my goal weight only to allow myself to gain it all back. I do not wish to to have this be one of the times I lost weight but the time I lost the weight...and kept it off!

What types of things do the rest of you do to keep yourselves motivated?

*ok, so maybe I wasn't really at a loss for words but just plain tired...

I'm a FAT Girl...

2009-03-24T20:39:00.008-05:00

Ok, so obviously I'm overweight...if you ask my Wii Fit I'm obese. But who's asking a silly little balance board right? No, I don't mean that I'm tipping the scales at a very unhealthy 70lbs over what "they" say I should weigh or the fact that my BMI is currently sitting somewhere between 36 and 37 when under 25 is considered "normal". I'm talking about my love of fat. My favorite cut of steak is a ribeye because of the wonderful marble of fat that can be found on most ribeyes. I just love a good piece of fire grilled fat. I realized just how much I have been sticking to good choices when I found myself cutting the visible fat off of chicken, pork, etc in amounts never before conceived in my kitchen.

The realization of just how much some my habits are changing came to me not as I made sure I got my workout in before I started my long days or as I racked my brain to make sure we had a healthy dinner on the table and had eaten by 7pm but rather as I sat at a fast food chicken restaurant and stared at the pile of wonderful crispy chicken skin and fried bits that I had taken the time to carefully peel from the chicken before I ate it. vWhat was leftover when I was done eating would never before have been left sitting on the plate. I've worked hard to make this week as successful as possible after what I am considering my two week haitus and I'm excited to see what the scale will read tomorrow morning. It will also be time for 12wk progress photos. Oh joy! :)

See...see what a beautiful pile of chicken skin I left behind??

I consider this a major success also because after my sons 2 1/2hr football practice I thought it only just that I ask where he wanted to eat dinner. Without the slightest hint of hesitation he answered and instead of squashing his choice I got on my blackberry and started trying to figure out what the best choice would be and how I could stay on plan and still have red beans and rice!! Unfortunately, what I had decided I would order was no longer available on the menu... ugh. Instead I ordered the fried chicken and lef this behind ....

Non Scale Victory (NSV)

2009-03-19T15:45:00.005-05:00

Ugh, today started out with all the promise of being a good day. We had an outside agency come in to "inspect" our organization with the hope that we would meet their standards and be given their stamp of approval (an accreditation we've held for many years but requires re-accreditation every 3yrs).

I hadn't been worried about this visit until we got a couple of minutes into my 90min one on one. Seems although we've been doing certain things well we have not done all that they think we need to nor have we been good at documenting what we have done. *big sigh*

That is the very simple version of what happened that completely spiraled my really good can do attitude into an , I'm not worthy....wanna eat something....kind of funk. It was bad enough that both yesterday morning and this morning I wanted donuts so badly I could almost taste them. Now there I was upset and depressed with only one thing on my mind: What can I eat?!

Last year I would not have hesitated to consider the source of my "hunger" but instead would have been taking orders from others for donuts or the coveted peanut butter cookies that are the size of my childs head and have whole Reese's cups chunked into them. At the very least I would be scrounging for change and hitting up the vending machine downstairs for some peanut M&Ms, a Twix or the always perfect Reese's cups.

Today, instead of allowing myself to turn to food, I tried to think of the positive aspects of what had transpired and refrained from even leaving my office until I knew I would not seek food. I knew that it would only feel good for the time that it was in my mouth and yet I wanted it soooo badly! Some habits are just so hard to break. I used to teasingly say that I was an emotional eater...I didn't have an emotion that couldn't be fed and although I can conquer some emotions in other ways, ie: boredom with activity (physical activity- not eating) I just can't seem to get past the urge to eat when I'm stressed or upset. This emotion has the strongest defense against my willpower.

I ended up calling my husband and we met for lunch. My mood immediately began to lift when I got in the car and cranked up the radio. There are just some songs that are best enjoyed at full blast as you drive and sing along at the top of your lungs. I am thankful that one of those songs was playing when I got in the car. At lunch I ordered combo fried rice and ate some then intentionally sat back and talked with my husband while the food had time to get to my stomach so I wouldn't overeat just because they brought me enough fried rice to feed 3 people. I did serve myself a little bit more and ate it before we packed the To Go containers but I still only ate about 1/3 of what they brought me and normally I'd have eaten about 1/2 to 3/4 without blinking.

I'm now back at work happy to have kept myself from taking the path that led to CandyLand and awaiting the "Closing Conference" where they will give us all a summary of the strenths and weakness' they noted in any and all areas over their two day visit.

Here's hoping I have the same steadfast determination to stay on plan when they are done depending on what they say about my department.

**UPDATE** The closing conference wasn't awful. We have things we can improve on but we really already knew that and to have someone else highlight the things you do well is always a nice change. Also, don't know how I left this out earlier but at lunch my husband asked if anyone at work had noticed I was losing weight? I told him two people had commented or asked about it and then inquired why he was asking. He said, "Because I can see the difference!" I'll take that as a compliment. I was even told by my employee that I was inspiring her. Now that is a compliment! :)

Week 11 ~ Weigh In

2009-03-18T16:33:00.003-05:00

I truly intend to post more often but I just find myself with so many thoughts in my head that I fear I won't be able to make any sense of them or I will simply ramble on...and so days pass and they turn into an entire week with no postings other than my weekly weigh in.... at least this week that is good news! I am down 2.4lbs this week which makes up the .2 I was still up from 2wks ago and brings me to a total of 24lbs lost! I couldn't be happier. (well, of course I would be happier if I'd lost 4 or 5lbs but that's just not realistic - but I can dream)

I am totally 100% back on track with my eating and attitude now if I could just kick my own butt into gear and start exercising again! I was doing so well for a few weeks. I know they say it takes 3wks to make something a habit so here I go starting over with the building of the good habit of weekly exercise.

I have had someone else at work mention that they can see a difference in my appearance but unless I look at the before and progress photos side by side I don't yet just outright see it myself. This is why I have printed those pictures in a side by side comparison to put in my bathroom as a daily reminder.

As for the goals I set last week, well, I did two out of three and I'm sure you can already tell which I didn't quite conquer.

This will be my week to get back on the step and move my butt!

Week 10 ~ Weigh In

2009-03-11T11:38:00.004-05:00

I have only myself to blame for the fact that I have basically stayed at the exact same place for two weeks! Hmmm, what would be a good word for not moving?...Stagnant maybe!? No, that's not good because I actually have been lower than 2 wks ago and HIGHER than 2wks ago. As of today I am down 0.2lbs from last wk which means I'm UP 0.2lbs from 2wks ago and sitting at 21.6lbs lost in 10wks. Yea, Yea, yea I know that 2.16lb/wk is a good average but I will still beat myself up a little that my total disregard for good decision making during the middle of last wk has cost me this week. It could have been worse, so much worse considering what I ate...and that I realized as I passed a pizza place on the way to the grocery store a few days ago that I left out one thing in my confession.....a trip to that pizza place for dinner one night were I didnt eat that much pizza but I did eat three pieces of Chocolate Chip pizza! oh my..that is evil-bad sinfully delicous stuff. I dont know how they make the pizza taste like cookie dough but if you've read my blog you'll know that cookie dough is a MAJOR weakness for me.

I now stop to count the blessing that is only a 0.2lb overall gain as of today.

I am still tracking my food al beit I have not gotten off my big tushy and done any exercise since entering the confessional on Monday but maybe tonight. Did I say maybe? Allow me to rephrase: I will workout tonight. For an hour. How's that?

Goals for this week:

1 - Track Everything!
2 - Get in all my water every day.
3 - Workout at least 4x!

Next week my goal will be to begin my the habit making process. I really want to start working out in the mornings and have done it enough times successfully to know that it is possible. I just have to do a wee bit of planning the night before!

Back on Track

2009-03-09T14:26:00.004-05:00

I have heard it said that the first step in recovery is admitting you have problem so despite the fact that I obviously have a problem with food...I mean, I wouldn't have spent my entire adult life yo-yoing up and down the scale, secret eating, overeating etc perhaps I need to admit to someone other than myself that I have derailed. I still can not control my urges and keep myself from eating things that I know I should eat.

Sadly, despite that I've begun what will be my final jouney to a healthy weight and healthier life and despite success for 9 wks I still allowed myself to slack!

Ok, slack is probably an understatement. I feel as if I have totally derailed. I saw a very slight gain last Wednesday and until Saturday didnt even realize I hadn't posted my Wednesday weigh in (WI). I truly was just so busy that I didn't get it done. Sure if I'd had a great loss I woulda probably made the time to post but on Wed I was at work until 10pm, Thursday night we had a date night, & Friday night I was at work again until 10p so my lack of post had more to do with not being home in the evening which is when I typically blog vs. the fact that the scale had gone up a meer 4/10ths of a pound. If I was being totally honest, and it seems as if that's what I'm trying to be, I would admit how bummed I was that that gain meant in 3 wks I had lost only 4lbs. I was down .4 two weeks prior, then down 4.0 the previous wk then up .4 - maybe four is my number. haha

Enough of the ramblings of the missed WI. Down to the more difficult part of this post...confession! I don't really know what causes me to derail but it seems this is about the point in my journey last year that I also got off track, only then I stayed off track for the remainder of the year! I refuse to do that this time. I had lost a couple more pounds by this time last year but the specific number is not the issue, I had started to notice changes, was feeling better about myself..had a some people noticing that I was dropping pounds and that is what I think allowed me to get just a little lax. That little lax turned into a little more lax and soon the healthier choices were all but forgotten and I was back to my "wicked" ways. This past week I have eaten similarly to how I have in the past and while some of the things were not as bad as they would have been in the past they were still choices I wouldn't have made just a few weeks ago and some things scared me in that I thought they might be the beginning of going full fledge back to my destructive pattern of gaining and gaining and gaining.

This is my confession: Between coming back from being sicker than I had been in a very long time, some of the most horrific days at work that I have had in many many months and a terrible personal matter that my brother is struggling with I found myself turning to food for comfort. I went through the drive thru for lunch one day only to allow myself to also have a fast food dinner. That same night I found myself sitting with a half batch of brownie batter and a bag of walnuts. I use the walnuts to scoop up and eat the brownie batter. I sat there trying not to think about anything and just ate .... then an email from a very good friend saved me from consuming that whole bowl of brownie batter. (Thank you Crecia!) I got up, dumped it and the remaining mix that might have been eaten the very next night. Just a couple days later I felt guilty as I was texting that same friend and assuring her I was back on track as I sat in the parking lot of a Chinese place waiting to go in and pick up my order of combination fried rice & egg rolls. Now, the only good thing about that particular order was that I made it on a day I knew I was going to be at work until late (1st of the 10pm days) so what in the past would have been one incredibly indulgent calorie enormous make me feel like a whale meal was actually three meals. I ate lunch and dinner and lunch the next day off one order. I guess that was a success right? Although it wasn't a healthy choice I also didn't scarf it all down in one sitting.

The worst of it was that I also have eaten two pints of ice cream over the long weekend. I can't believe I did it. The kids and I were out shopping and only one local place has my all time fav...Haagen Dazs Chocoloate Peanut Butter. I brought a pint home and ended up eating the entire pint all by myself. A day or two later I saw a new Ben & Jerry's flavor...Ginger Snap. It wasnt' nearly as good as it would need to have been to have set me back in the way that I am sure it will.

The very very worst of it all is that I have made it this far in my journey, as I have in the past, by allowing myself the occassional fast food and other things that typically are no-no's in traditional "diets". I love WW because as long as I account for what I consume and the vast majority of my choices are good ones then I can still lose weight. However, when you begin making bad choices you tend to quit being accountable for those choices...so you see where this is going right? I haven't logged my food in a couple of weeks. I just wasn't eating when I was sick and so I didn't see the point, nor did I have the energy.

Today I am officially back on track. I weighed this morning in the same 1.2lbs that I have been teetering in since being sick and for now that is a HUGE blessing. Perhaps my poor choices just haven't caught up with me but I made myself some banana pancakes and put them in the recipe builder on WW and accounted for what I ate!

In a little while I will go to the store and restock my pantry and get things to restock my stash at work and this will all be behind me in no time.

Hey, maybe I'll be lighter on Wednesday just from having gotten this weight off my chest! :)

Why is it that when we know we are derailing we sometimes have no means to stop it from happening?

Number.....Number....Daily Number

2009-03-01T10:08:00.003-06:00

I weigh myself daily. Some people feel that daily weighing is beneficial (really know what effects any particular food or combinations of food may have on your weight) while others feel that weekly weighing is more beneficial (probably only to our sanity) however I have always weighed daily and tracked my weight based on the results of every Wednesdays weight. Now, that said, why when I have a spike in my weight does it stay on my brain CONSTANTLY!?

Both yesterday and today I have weighed 1 or 1.2lbs more than I did this past Wednesday and while I knew that my drastic weightloss this past week was most likely more related to being sick and not eating than to actual weight/fat loss and that having felt better enough to actually be eating normally again for the past two days why does it make me so insane to see the scale go up!? It's like my mention in a past posting of feeling like our "number" runs like on a ticker tape across my brain contstantly all day long. The upside to my current situation would be that not only do I know why the number is doing what it is doing but I'm not doing anything drastic to stop it or get it to go the other way. I know that I have a really long journey ahead of me and that there will be ups as well as the welcomed downs on the scale. I know these things, I'm a rational woman, albeit a little obsessive in some areas. I am more than the number on the scale....heck, I wasn't even sure what exactly I wanted as my goal number except that I know what I weighed for a cruise back in 2006 and at that weight I still felt like I had a little bit of weight to get off yet and so I am currently shooting for 20lbs less than I got to back then. I know I have to have a target to shoot for or a goal at the end of this long marathon of weight loss but would someone please tell me how to turn off the neon ticker in my head that runs that darn number over and over and over again across my brain?

Week 8 ~ Weigh In

2009-02-25T12:15:00.003-06:00

Let me start by saying, Being sick stinks! I started feeling not quite right last Thursday afternoon but thankfully did not get really sick for several more days.

My husband pulled off a surprise birthday party for me on Saturday which was a complete and total shock. I had been feeling poor all day but thankfully, with some meds, I had a very good time and enjoyed having all the people over to our home. We hadn't had a big get together at our house since we moved in about a year and half before. Probably more because I wasnt feeling well I steered away from the food but did give in to several shots - after all it was MY birthday! :) (and they were shnapps type shots not hard liquor)

Sunday I spent most of the day on the couch. I braved work on Monday and spent the entire day in meetings! I mean from 8am until 4pm then bought meds on the way home and have basically been on the couch or in bed ever since. I've tried hard to stay hydrated but must admit have had little to no appetite and am certain this has something to do with the drastic change on the scale this week. Either Sun or Monday I was hoping to see just .2lbs more come off so I could reach my 20lb loss and today low and behold I was down not just the 2.2lbs I was really really hoping for but I was down 4.0lbs!

The loss this week bring me to 21.8lbs total loss in 8wks. I braved the progress photos this morning also despite feeling yucky. I see the changes mostly in my middle and can't wait to start seeing it in my hips! I'm sure there is plenty of time and pounds left to come off of my hips and I am making all the right choices to make it there as quickly as possible. I have a very long road ahead of me and just can't wait to get to the finish line.

Wk 7 Weigh In

2009-02-18T20:03:00.003-06:00

What should I start with this weeks results or all the ~~reasons~~ excuses that may have attributed to my first "slow" week? Well, as I am so good about reminding other people, a loss is a loss. I am thankful that the number went down as opposed to staying the same, or dare I say...went up. I know that in the long run there will be times when the amount lost on any given week will not be exactly what I want it to be and that the focus should be on the big picture: I am losing, I am making changes, I am getting healthier and most importantly, I am still committed to making it to goal!

I know all these things and yet I was still upset to see that the scale was only 0.4lbs less this week than last week. Overall that means that in 7wks I have dropped 17.8lbs and that averages to a very impressive 2.6lbs per week. (yes, Crecia 2.6lb/wk...I think I'm getting worried)

I will continue to track my points, drink my water, and exercise, at minimum, every other day. I must admit that next week I hope the zero and the four will trade places around the decimal. I had hoped that by my 8wk weigh in and progress photos that I would be at 22lbs lost. If I'm not, I won't give up....but I can still hope. :)

Habit Changing Time

2009-02-14T00:07:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago a friend sent me a list of things - kinda like a list of how tos for daily life. Ironically the title was Recipe something or other. The one thing that has stuck with me above the others was this: Eat breakfast like a King, lunch like a Prince & dinner like a college kid who's maxed out all his credit cards.

I really think that turning my points upside down would be in my best interest. I eat oatmeal for breakfast almost daily, a medium sized lunch and low point snacks. As large as I am now I have a wealth of points and this leaves me at the end of each day with more points than I need and far be it for me not to use them up. I don't know that its good to eat higher points foods just to use up the points or eat so much more of good for you lower points foods. I think I will start to concentrate on consuming more of my points early in the day and later conquer the morning workout.

There was a time in my life when I worked 24hr shifts on an ambulance and my shift didn't start until 9am. I was working out more then and on my shift days I woke up, put my hair in a ponytail, brushed my teeth and headed straight for the gym. I showered and got ready for work after my workouts and it was time in my life I remember as feeling the best I ever have. I was full of energy and my spirits were high. I want that feeling back. Even with the changes I have made thus far this year I find myself sluggish and tired more than I think I should be. Perhaps there are more changes I need to be making that are still escaping my radar but I dont know how to make myself think of them or realize them. For that I turn to my fellow weight loss bloggers and other friends in the midst of similiar lifetime changes.

Anyone have any suggestions of increasing energy in a natural way?

Wk 6 - Weigh In

2009-02-11T20:31:00.006-06:00

Wow, can't believe the entire week got past me without any additional posts. I have started using the My Fitness Coach for Wii and boy was I shocked at how sore I was after just the preliminary "workout" that simply assessed my fitness (or lack of) level. I used it a couple of times and after giving up on the stationary stepper I got a step that could be used either on its own or with the Fitness Coach. I attempted to do the 30min beginner step class that came with the step but somewhere between how incredibly sore I already was and the fact that I am still so out of shape I was unable to even get through the entire thing.

I also had found out about a website, www.weightview.com, that will take a photo you submit and create your "after" photo based on the weight info you submit. I had tried this a couple of weeks ago and used my 4wk progress photo...the results were scary. I looked like horrible. The website suggests you take the photo at a slight angle and so I decided to try it again. The results are below. I actually thought that my real photo didnt look too bad considering just how much I weigh but that only lasted until I got their version of my after photo. That looks much better! The weightview after is their simulation of a 40lb weightloss. I hope to be 40lbs lighter by end of May.

This week I managed to lose another 2.4lbs which brings me to a total of 17.4 in the six weeks since the beginning of the year. I am very happy with my success thus far and plan on continuing with similar weekly losses for as long as possible. I want to be to goal by my cruise next year. The best part of this past week was that yesterday someone asked me if I had lost weight...that I was looking good. :)

Wk 5 ~ Weigh In

2009-02-04T19:31:00.002-06:00

This week I just never got up and moved. I was afraid I might have already begun a backslide but was able to keep up my motivation with the purchases I made on Sunday and will try one of my new DVDs in a little bit.

I haven't yet decided if I think the stepper was worth the investment. It did make my calves feel as if they were on fire with just 5min of use however, after a brief rest I did another 4min...bring back the burn..and the next day I was only a little sore climbing the stairs at work. The next day (today) nothing. I dont know if it was because I didnt do enough time or if it truly doesn't give a good workout. Either way its a little clunky but I will give it another try before I turn it in for a good old fashion step. I always loved step classes and have incorporated some of the movements from those classes into my free step time on the Wii board.

Oh, and, I absolutely don't know how with only good and healthy food choices I was able to lose 3lbs this week but I did and that means that I've lost a total of 15lbs in 5 wks. Pretty incredible and yet right on with where I want to be in order to make the goal I have set for myself for May 31st.

Lastly, I booked a vacation today that will take place the end of February next year so despite the fact that I have set a 10lb every 4 wk short term goal for myself I now also have a good target for my long term goal. I think I'll have to add tickers to my side bar for a countdown to the vacation and perhaps a show of how far I have come and have yet to go if I'm gonna make my mark for May.

Gotta get moving

2009-02-01T19:23:00.004-06:00

Perhaps the picture above that shows my Wii Fit telling me my Wii age was 32yrs more than my actual age was a good indication of the fact that somehow I had let almost a week go by without doing even the Wii Fit! I really just hadnt realized it had been so long. It was not out of any intention to dodge exercise.

Today I decided it was time to make some more changes. I went out specifically to get things that would make it harder for me to not work out! I finally got new ear buds for my MP3 player (already loaded more songs on it a few days ago), I got a stationary stepper so I can step in place while watching my DVR shows like the Biggest Loser, I also got a couple of new workout DVDs. I'll withold the names of the DVDs until I've had a chance to try them out and give a review, for whatever my review might mean to anyone.

I have decided that as part of my "insurance" to stay on track that I would allow myself some sort of treat once a week. This has somehow turned into the baking of a weekly diet cola cake.* This past Friday I made a spice cake and had my piece while it was still very warm out of the oven. About an hour or two later I thought it wouldnt be too big of a deal if I had just a little more...but I wasn't able to because the cake was GONE! I mean, completely missing...pan wiped clean by little fingers. Seems my children and husband love the "diet" cakes even more than I do! Now we all know that no matter how much "better" the cake was it wasn't good to devour the entire thing in one evening..but hey, this time it wasn't me who ate it! :)

*for those of you unfamiliar with diet cola cake it is actually very simple, you buy a standard cake mix, any flavor, any kind (I've used reduced sugar ones etc) and when you go to make the cake you add ONLY one 12oz can of a diet cola of your choice. That's it, no water, no oil, no eggs. This bakes a great moist cake that has less fat, calories, & cholesterol than a normal cake. The varieties are endless: white cake w/ sprite zero, chocolate cake w/ diet cola, if you use white or yellow cake w/ a "flavored" soda I dont know how much of that flavor will truly be tasted in the end product but I know others who have done diet Big Red in white cake, or diet root beer. I'm sure you get the picture.

Wk 4 ~ First Progress photos

2009-01-28T22:03:00.003-06:00

Today's WI marks the 4th WI of the year and it was a good one. I lost 2.6lbs for a total of 12lbs lost thus far. I am right on track to be where I want to by the end of May. Unfortunately, this was suppose to be the first of my every 4wk progress photos however, I was awakened at 6:01am by a phone call from one of my employees inquiring as to whether I had forgotten I was suppose to be on shift at 6am...hmmm, yep. I forgot. This meant I had to rush and get ready and get to work with no time to get the "official" progress photos but will do so tomorrow.

I also went to bed "early" at 1030pm last night and will go to bed just after this posting. I think that despite my healthier eating and increase in activity the lack of adequate sleep has kept me in the tired category. I typically go to bed between midnight at 2am so making sure I get more sleep is just one of the first baby steps in an effort to take better care of me.

Obsess much?

2009-01-27T00:34:00.002-06:00

Are we as women wired so as to obsess more easily and often than our male counterparts?

Have we not all spent countless hours considering every minute detail about a decision or issue, sometimes that are not even in the realm of our control?

I myself have obsessed the most in my life about food. Big surprise huh? I have spent entirely too much time in my life considering what I could cook, bake, buy, eat...you get the picture. I wouldn't be here, writing about my stuggle to lose weight if I didn't have such a love, love to have a little more relationship with all things delicious now would I?

I have at times illuded to persons in my life that I am a secret eater but I don't think I've ever told ANYONE to what extreme that meant. Sadly I have memories that go way back into my childhood about sneaking just one more piece of fudge, one more rice crispy treat or one more batch of cookie dough. (Do you know anyone else who has the 1/4 batch of choc chip cookie dough memorized!?). Seriously, I do. I can not tell you how many batches of that I've made over the years for the sole purpose of eating, raw right out of the bowl. I have done variations (rarely including choc chips) that typically include walnuts, occassionally oatmeal & cinnamon and I have even made peanut butter cookie dough sometimes.

I guess you could say I owe my current struggle to my lifelong obession with food. I know no kinds of obsessions are good but right here, right now, I would trade an obsession with food for an obsession with exercise. :)

I think this time around I am feeling that if I don't lay it all on the line and make this journey more public that I will find it too easy to quit. In order to keep myself from being able to even slack off I have started this blog & begun putting it out there where people can find it. I have asked a guy at wk that doesn't struggle with wt & works out that I report my weekly weigh in to him because I feel like knowing that I have to tell him how much I lost will keep me from slacking, I hope that's true. I have even felt that until I post my actual weight on this blog I won't be truly honest - but who needs to be so honest all at once? I think I'll take this one confession at a time.

Did I mention I am also somewhat obsessed with the scale? That can wait for another day.

Wk 3 ~ Patience, and the lack there of..

2009-01-21T22:24:00.003-06:00

Is it really possible that my metabolism is aging more quickly than my mind? Last year I began a similar journey of weight loss and better health that last about 12wks. The first week I lost 10lbs. I am now three weeks into this journey (the final one) and I have yet to lose 10lbs. Certainly the lack of "success" is not because I have not been 100% faithful to tracking my food nor have I done any moving outside of my own home! Goodness knows THAT can't be the reason!

I'm really good at praise for other people. I remind my friends that ANY loss is a victory and that its not one particular weigh in that defines our journey but the accumulation of even the smallest losses. So why was I disappointed this mornig with a 2.2lb loss!? I had really hoped for 6 or 7 tenths more to make it to or break thru the 10lb mark. I guess that victory will have to come next week along with the first progress pictures. I dont know that there will be any marked change but I have vowed to take pictures every 4wks. One day I will be able to use all those pictures to create the illusion that I went from obeset to healthy in seconds instead of months.

Making Time for Me

2009-01-20T22:53:00.005-06:00

I have been thinking all week about women's "Fat days"...you know what I'm talking about girls. However, tonight as I left work 12hrs after I arrived and pondered what light dinner I could have when I get home, how was I gonna get in my workout tonight etc I realized I had a bigger problem than occasional Fat days so that will have to wait for another day.

This year I had vowed to make multiple changes in my life: eat better, move more, get organized, but the hardest change has proven to be making time for me. I have a demanding job, a husband who is gone approximately 14 days a month, and two kids who I would do anything for and typically any of these things get presidence over making time for me. This is not atypical for most women and or mothers. We put everyone elses needs ahead of ours but don't we hear that if we take care of ourselves it will better enable us to care for others? I know that if I could just learn to make time for me I will feel better and subsequently be a better mother, wife, employee and boss yet I just can't seem to even make the time to track my food during the day. Heck, I eat two of my meals each day at my desk! I know this isn't good but haven't yet been able to break the cycle.

I think I will have to tackle this just as I have the effort to move more...baby steps. I think this week I will try simply to take my lunch time for me. Even if it remains at my desk, I will close my office door and not do work things for at least 30min. I could use that time to track my food or call my Grandmother who I haven't spoken to since Christmas Eve. Perhaps a time for change needs to start with time for me.

Wk 2 ~ The Pain of Loss

2009-01-14T06:56:00.004-06:00

No, not the loss of a person or other such things. I’m talking about the pain of weight loss.

Do you ever wonder why they don’t discuss the pain associated with intense workouts on the show The Biggest Loser? I have began my umpteenth weight loss journey this year by eating right and thus far simply doing Wii Fit Aerobics and balance games. Even as I type my calves are so sore its almost unbarable to clinch them tight, my thighs waver taking the stairs at work and the muscles on back ache from virtual boxing. Doesn’t it stand to reason that these morbidly obese contestants, most of which have never worked out before, must suffer from horrible soreness after the sudden onslaught of all day workouts and the dreaded last chance workout!? Don’t they wake some days almost unable to get out of bed? Do they care so long as the number on the scale goes down at the weekly WI?

This week I would have to say the pain was worth it. The number on the scale went down 1.8 lbs for me this week. Two weeks into 2009 and 7.2lbs lost. No rest for the weary…I’m off to try kick week three off – maybe I’ll discover a new muscle by making it scream in pain. haha

Move More

2009-01-11T22:01:00.005-06:00

Eleven days into the new year and I would have expected by now to be taking long brisk walks around the neighborhood or on the tredmill in the weightroom. Who knew I would have found such a fun and effective way to burn calories and work out muscles that have been close to stagnant for way too long.

I am proud that I have already logged so much time playing virtual hula hoop, skiing, stepping to the beat and even catching fish as a penguin. I dont' know that it has the same effect as hip hop step classes I've taken in the past but I have spent 4hrs and 28min of the last eleven days moving more than I have in any other eleven days in many many months. I hope this is the start of a more active me and that it helps in my quest to finally be rid of all this excess weight I've been carrying for entirely too long.

Wednesday Weigh In

2009-01-08T00:40:00.003-06:00

Oddly enough on my first weekly weigh in I ended up with no time to post my results....work was too busy and as I finally sat down with my laptop at the end of the night my mother came over and stayed til past midnight. Normally these would sound like excuses not to post a bad weigh in and this was not the case this week. I lost 5.4lbs! A very good start. Sadly, the number is still so grossly large I would never imagine certain people in my life knowing just how much I weigh.

Tonight was somewhat liberating. I actually spoke with my mom freely about just how deep my troubles with food went. You see, I have been obsessed with food for as long as I can remember. As a child I would think of food almost constantly. I have never had self control. I would never eat just one piece of something or until I was satisfied but instead I would go back for more and more until the food that I wanted/liked was all gone. I actually think that somehow this food obsession is genetic because my daughter seems to exhibit similar food tendancies as I did as a child. This is a big reason why I feel the need to change my habits now, while my daughter is still at an impressionable enough age that she might learn from me how better to relate to food. I want her to have a more active life than we lead right now.

What I do I do for me, to be healthier and stronger but why I do what I do is because of her.

A Woman’s Sacred Number

2009-01-06T22:50:00.002-06:00

Why do so many women guard their “number” with such conviction? The need to keep this number secret crosses the boundaries of fat to thin, obese to healthy weight women of all ages, races & body types. Why? It has such a hold over us that most of us we can recall our weight at any given event or special occasion for years past.

Even more interesting is the fact that women who are heavy and would never dream of sharing their weight with ANYONE then lose the weight and are the same ones that will tell everyone and anyone how much they lost, what they currently weigh and “Can you believe I use to be . . xxxlbs?!?”

I too tend to keep my weight secret only I do so only from those that are close to me. To the many women and friends that I have found online all know EXACTLY what I weigh down to the fraction of a pound as well as what I lose every week and what I hope to weigh at the end of my weight loss journey. I don’t know that liberating myself from the hush of my number will allow me to lose weight any faster or shame me into ensuring the number continues to get lower and lower every week but I think it’s time I posted it as predominantly as it rings in my head day after day. After all, this is a blog, not a nametag I have to wear boldly on my chest or a stamp on my forehead…

Maybe tomorrow will be my day to be brave.

Changes in the Kitchen

2009-01-04T18:53:00.004-06:00

My daughter asked if she could stack all the fruit in the green bowl today as we unloaded groceries, I told her yes and directed the onions etc to her. When we were done it struck me that this was the sight of a new, healthy start to our year. I felt it deserved a picture. I hope that the "green bowl" looks this good all year! :)

Celebrating even the smallest of Success'

2009-01-03T20:48:00.005-06:00

This evening marks the end of the third successful day back on track. I've been eating healthy foods and not overeating. It seems small but if you truly knew me and how food has consumed my life since a very early age you would know that this is a victory in and of itself. Its but a small victory because the true challenge will come when I've been back on track for 2 or 3 months and have started seeing some success. Usually about the time other people start noticing and commenting, "Wow, have you lost weight?" or "You look good, how much weight have you lost?" That is usually about the time I'm feeling better about myself and allow myself to go off track...and never come back.

This time will be different. I will slip but I will not fall. I have to see this through to the end this time.

It all begins (again) Today!

2009-01-01T18:58:00.006-06:00

I’m not sure what made me decide that this time, the final time, I would blog my wt loss journey but here I am. I intend to post weekly weigh-ins and progress pictures periodically and but have no other set in stone intentions for this blog.

My New Year’s resolution is actually to become more organized. I think that being disorganized could be at the root of most of my problems/frustration. If only I could organize my schedule better than I would have time for exercise, I would shop more successfully (with lists)….heck, it might even lead to meal planning eventually (gasp). If my home were better organized I could do things more quickly and efficiently therefore saving time etc.

For the record, I will be doing WW online and exercising on my own. I feel like WW is the best fit for me because I can eat anything I want so long as I account for it. It teaches healthy eating and allows for celebrations etc and doesn’t keep me eating overpriced, prepackaged foods that do not allow the user to learn on their own a very important item: portion control! Enough about that, no I’m not being paid by WW to promote. I thought that 2008 was going to be my final journey on WW and successfully lost almost 30lbs in early 2008 only to allow myself to be steered off course and gain it all back!

I now am beginning, again, today. I know my current weight; have a stash of before pictures that will someday prove how far I came in my quest to lose 95lbs. Yep, you read that right. I want to lose 95lbs. Wow, just seeing that number is a bit daunting but I won’t focus on that number but rather the little steps, small successes and weekly Wednesday weigh-ins.

Here’s to feeling fine in 2009!